Only 5 weeks left!!!

I haven't even written once since I got back to Auckland.

Well, one of the reasons is that the internet just sucks so bad, it's hard to even open our emails here sometimes!

Anyways, things happened and such. As usual....

Sometimes I wonder why I write here...I know people don't read it.

I guess the reason why I do write is not so that people WILL read it...guess I just want to leave something that's visible...

I'm not a very talkative person in real-life. 

In fact I'm a bit awkward with people since I'm not good at making conversations...

But that's all the more reason why I like to leave my words in places like this...

Because it's only natural for a human being to want to be heard...

To want to be listened to...

To want to be understood...

That's why people go all their way to express themselves...

Be it through spoken words,

Through hair colour,

Through actions,

Through silence....

Ahhh~ well. Enough draggy stuff!

Back to the daily messes!!

There's only about 5-weeks left before I go back home for good.

*sigh~*

So, I've been going around (around Auckland that is) a lot. 

Especially with Sya. (Those lollies are surprisingly good!)

Fa came over for her graduation last couple of weeks. (She looked more teacher-like in other photos :p) 

For the first time ever in 4 years, we woke up super early and head to the Domain at 6 in the morning for the Anzac Day commemoration. (Obvious just-woke-up faces)

We (as in the three of us) have been hanging out with Bee and Zatil a lot. (They helped me prepare for the grad shoots :D)

The group went for a farmstay!! (Though everyone was scared shitless of the huge cows...) 

Bella and I went for a bike-ride during Easter (we were sore for a few days after that)

And we cycled down to the port to see the sunrise the next day! (We barely made it on time :p) 

And for the first time ever, I went for a road trip up North!! (just a bit up though....=___=')

All in all this semester has been really really fun!

And we're going for a trip to Tauranga for the weekend! Can't wait!!

Soooooo not ready to go back and be all serious-y in front of a bunch of raging hormonal distress in the form of teenage students....

*sigh~*

A Mother's Tears

My Mom and I went out to the local market today to look for some stuff for me to bring back to Auckland. About two more weeks to go....sigh....can't decide if I'm excited or sad to be honest...

I'm so worried about my Mom...I mean, I've always been worried, but things have been really tough on her lately...I wonder if she and Dad will be okay once I leave...

Today, after we got back from the market (mind you, it was DAMN hot!), we were exhausted and after we changed, my Mom and I decided to lie down for a bit before she gets lunch ready. And while we're lying down, one of my sisters called. 

The conversation seemed fine (it was rather cheery than usual even), but all of the sudden, my Mom started reminiscing about her childhood. To be honest, this sort of thing is pretty normal. I've listened to the same stories over and over again ever since I was a kid...

But today, she was telling me about the story back when she was in Indonesia as a kid, during the rough times when my Mom, her little sisters and my grandparents hadn't enough money to even afford a cup of rice. So they basically had to eat tapioca (sprinkled with only sugar) for over two weeks - so that's three meals of tapioca a day...

My Mom actually has nine siblings altogether. Two of her eldest sisters passed away when she was still little, so she basically grew up with four older and two younger sisters - she was the seventh. But during that time (above), all of her sisters were already married, and she herself was about to marry my Dad. Still, none of her married sisters offered anything to help my Grandparents...until one day, my Mom went to one of her sisters (the one before than her) and asked for help. Surprisingly, my Aunt didn't even realize that her sisters were starving when she was living a happy married life on the other side of the town. So my Aunt helped out by bringing some food to my Grandparents and things were okay......

but that meal was actually the last meal she prepared for my Grandpa...he passed away, the day after.

And after my Mom finished her story, all of the sudden

SHE CRIED

I've listened to this story thousands of times before but she never cried...

And I couldn't do anything to stop the tears....

I know she's worried about my sisters...we're not rich, and we've nobody else but us...and she's getting old, Dad's getting old...and yet,.......sigh....I dunno....

If only photos are 'true'...I'd take as many happy photos of us as I can so I'd never see those tears again.

"You could've probably bought gold with all that..."

That was what my Mom said after seeing me re-arrange my magazines, comics and DVD collection.

The thing was, I decided to continue looking for my Naruto DVDs today and I came across my old Gempak collection from secondary school. It was piled up about 1 feet tall in the back of my old closet, I took it out (along with all the other stuff in there) but still, no sign of Naruto...I'm really beginning to think that the whole set of DVDs might've been stolen in that incident two years ago....

But thanks to this Naruto-searching thing, I finally took my time to re-arrange my magazines.

And this is what it looks like now,

I had the magazines and big books (like Harry Potter) stacked in the back and the comics and smaller books and DVDs at the front.

This is the treasure of my youth 

(^w^)

And this is the very first Gempak I ever bought (or seen to be honest). Gempak didn't come to my hometown till a couple of years after it was first published, so I was really thrilled when I first saw this one and bought it straight away!

And believe it or not, that was almost 10 years ago!

Gempak was still less than RM4.00 back then...

But this was legend for me.

This copy of Gempak started everything..

It was this copy that introduced me to Ghibli Studio's amazing artwork, Spirited Away (though I have to admit I didn't really understand what the magazine was saying when I first read this article - never seen a Japanese anime-movie before. At least never seen one that looked as amazing as the one featured in the article above)

And my encounter with Ghibli's and Miyazaki Hayao's works just kept coming from then on, as a result -

I'm a die-hard fan now! (I've seen almost all of Miyazaki's works!)

(^ e ^) \/

This copy was also the one that introduced me to the horror wonders of Ito Junji.

Ito Junji is famous for horror-manga-turned-movie The Ring as well as Uzumaki.

I love Ito Junji's works and have read a few translated ones myself, but I've never read both The Ring or Uzumaki before...ironic huh~

And along with the mountain of Gempaks are a puddle of other Art Square Group magazines namely Starz, Utopia, Hype. Though I do admit that Utopia and Hype are not really my type of reading material so I probably have less than 20 of both of them combined. The ones above are the very first editions of both Hype and Utopia featuring Avril Lavinge (Utopia) and Linkin Park (Hype) on the covers. 

The first edition of Starz was inside of the closet, if I'm not mistaken the cover featured Naruto...while the first edition of Popcorn is in Auckland....whose art was it again on Popcorn's first cover?..... was it Puppeteer's? I don't remember.....

Anyway, I'm gonna show this to my children, nieces and nephew(s) one day...with pride heeee~ 

(^ w ^)

"How come?"

While looking at the moon, my Mom started this conversation in relations to one of my sisters...

Mama: "How come everybody else's kids can find their partners so easily?"

Me: "Wha?"

Mama: "You know, why is it that everybody else's kids around here are able to find their partners so easily but not my -"

Me: "How many times have I not ask myself the same question, Ma"

Mama: "No, no you're different. You're still young, plus you're still studying"

Me: "And yet all of my friends are either married or engaged"

Mama: "But they're different from you. You've changed now. The way you dress, you just need to change a bit more and-"

Me: "You think guys will come at me because of that? I don't think so. You know what? I'm 90% sure that wouldn't happen"

For some reason there's something about my sister and I that are scaring all the good guys away. Everywhere I look, I see my friends, my relatives, people that I know taking a step forward in building their future and I never fail to wonder, "How come?".

And I've been trying my best to stop asking myself that, because I know it's still not my time.

Still there are times when I feel my chest tightening up (hopefully I haven'y any heart problems or anything...) when I think about these things. 

But I know things can never go as we plan them to be. 

70% of the time, you'll never get what you want in life.

For instance,

I applied for an architectural degree but passed for an education one instead.

I wanted to live alone but had to live in a shared apartment instead.

I was looking for Naruto but found Futurama instead.

I wanted to go back with Jetstar but had to go with Emirates instead.

I wanted to try the new pizza,....and I got what I wanted!

It's just life. You get some, you lose a lot.

Finally, 23!

So,....

today's my birthday!!! Yay!!! ^^\/

And we celebrated both mine and my Dad's birthday today eating everything from pizza, to laksa, to tosai, everything!

Everything except for cake

Ironic for a birthday huh?

But it was AWESOME!!

Another step away from immaturity, and another step forward to growing senile

(^e^)

The Differences of Two Worlds

Three nights have passed since I left Auckland.

There was no sense of excitement, only a weariness that has been lingering since the middle of the year, following me back home.

Eversince my brother passed away, I have been avoiding any conversations relating to his last moments of life. 

Everytime my mother started the topic on the phone, I will immediately simmer her down, not wanting to broaden the conversation any further. 

My daily life has been filled with fulfilling but empty colours of university. 

Assignment -> relax -> food -> relax -> allowance -> photography -> Japanese -> Education -> Jackie -> Sheryll -> coffee -> anime

I was exhausted with trying to exhaust myself. 

But coming back home, everything was sepia in colour. The only figure that never failed to pick me up everytime was no longer there. 

My mother herself was losing apparent amount of weight, looking very exhausted, but smiling widely to me nonetheless.

Reality has grabbed me harshly by the hands. 

Part of me longs for those empty colours of life, but a part of me longs to face this reality head-on.

And I don't want to run away. 

The me who was telling my mother to always be strong might be the weakest one after all.

And I know that for sure when I have been shedding drops after drops of tears everytime my mother talks about my late brother. 

I'm tired, lost, scared but at the same time, generously blessed. 

I will face this.   

How Irresponsibly Clueless

Yesterday, I went to one of the GJCs we have in the city and ordered a Caramel Nut Chiller to celebrate the end of my exams

After a few minutes, the waiter called out my complete order

But

For some reason she drizzled my chiller with choc syrup instead of caramel

So I asked, "Is this Caramel Nut Chiller?"

She answered with an extremely tired face, "Yes it is"

Not satisfied with the confirmation, I asked, "Shouldn't it be caramel on top then?" giving suggestive glances to the caramel bottle standing next to the choc syrup bottle. 

And guess what she answered...

"Oh yeah, only sometimes. Sometimes it's chocolate"

Whaaaaa????!!!!!

In a way, I find her excuse to be really funny. Instead of making me look stupid for asking her the simple question, it actually made her look irresponsibly clueless as a barrista for a reputable cafe chain.

She could've just apologized and ask if I want a new one made. 'Cuz I would've said, "No, it's fine" anyways.

Lucky I was in a really good mood. And lucky the chiller tasted good. 

Though I can say for sure that it was NOT a Caramel Nut Chiller!